The Smell of Winter Beans


I like beans. I do. Beans are economical, too, compared to beef they really are cheaper although at the low end of the scale, the cheaper grades of hamburger, it’s now a trade-off. Jeez, get the beef! at least most of the time. It won’t make so much difference in your budget that you can buy a new car or pay the light bill.

Currently, I react to the prospect of beans for dinner with nausea. I stocked up on beans for the winter, in late summer. I’ve been eating lots of beans. I’ve even bought good things to put with beans, to disguise the fact that there are beans in what I’m eating. After several months of this, I just want to kill something and roast it over a fire and eat it. At this point, whatever walks past my house is in danger. I will try to not eat Mr. Raccoon, but I’m thinking he would not taste like beans.

There’s a bean smell in the house now I can’t expunge. When I can open the windows in the springtime and turn on the fans and forcefully blow fresh air through the house, I’m sure it will be better. I can hang the bedding in the sunshine then, I can eat salads of wild greens. Everything will smell like flowers. But right now, everything smells like beans. Let me stress this point, beans do not smell like flowers. I worry about lighting a match, I might be one of the mystery explosions.

Everything here smells like beans. Smells even worse than beans, smells like a cross between beans and cheese and not even good cheese. The kitchen smells like beans. The sofa smells like beans. My clean clothes smell like beans. The bedroom, ack, don’t go in there. My fingers smell worse than beans, it’s that oniony smell you get off your hands when you eat lots of onions, plus the smell of beans.

Anyone who says you can save tons of money by eating beans, pfft, they’ve obviously not done it, they just did the math and thought poor people could do it. Beans are for the poor people in the tropics where you can keep the doors and windows open year round. Here, give me venison, give me beef, give me salmon, give me seal and whale blubber. Give me the neighbor’s cat that somehow disappeared, huh, who’d have thought? It at least won’t smell like beans.

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