My Mental Status
So, Jay Leno left The Tonight Show in order to bring comedy to the 10PM time slot…by making a completely inferior carbon copy of The Tonight Show? WTF?! I guess he thinks all he needs is names to get people to watch because he has nothing to say to any of his guests. The format is awkward, he isn’t funny and he seems to have no one on his staff to censor his hodgepodge of bits and pieces.
The whole thing is a shame. Jay Leno was a good standup back in the late 80s/early 90s. And 10PM could use a nice, light touch. This isn’t it. What does it do to a network to have, what is it now, four or five talk shows in a row on? Someone needs to get their head out.
I helped J fix his car! The battery was dead, wasn’t taking a charge, and the engine refused to turn over. We fixed the corrosion on the posts, reattached a hose and I babied the balance of ignition and gas, then sat with the beast while he went for a run and the battery recovered. Sitting was about the level of energy I had today anyway. Plus it gave me a chance to read some more of James Fixx’s book on running. That is one excellent, comprehensive guide. Very good information.
We are not ready for fall, not accepting its arrival. Still, it is here. The leaves are turning and falling. It is still dark at 7 am.
The dog aggression is waning. We suspect sunspots.
We’ve been moving the children. We found another wonderful little creek, a perfect spot out in the middle of the woods and fields. They will be very happy there.
I have become a mess and wish I had an explanation for it. I know I’m sick (I keep putting off talking about that), but even when I have a good day or good week, my thinking is destroyed. I have no focus. I can manage to crank out my work relatively on time (because I have no deadlines), but every task requires superhuman effort. I sleep for ten to twelve hours a day and I’m exhausted constantly–not from oversleeping.
Then there is the crying for no reason. It is bizarre to cry over absolutely nothing, even when I feel fine otherwise. Maybe it is due to exhaustion, but it feels like something isn’t right.
It feels good to go out, to run, except that it takes everything out of me. I get hot, shaky, stupid, angry and tired. It utterly ruins me for hours afterward. Many times I have to come in and take a nap, I’m so worn out. It wasn’t like this before. I can remember being healthy. I can remember being a runner and being healthy. It is all I can do to get through the day sometimes.
I feel like I’m getting low blood sugar. If I don’t eat, I get this new weird feeling. I get angry in a way that is different from my usual tired anger. I can’t handle anything. Food makes everything better–for a couple of hours. I feel like someone flipped all my switches back into the ON position. I’m clearheaded and in a good mood. Then I get stinging eyes, aching muscles and more fatigue. The cycle has happened over and over the past week or so.
I love working from home and it takes away some of the stress. If I need sleep, I can take the time to rest, but sleeping that long means there is no time in my day. I get up, do chores, do my work and it is time for bed. If I don’t sleep, I’m on my worst behavior, forcing myself through every action, in a different terrible mood.
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