Lucid Again After So Long
i just had the first lucid dream i’ve had in a while. there aren’t exclamation points because it wasn’t really all that fun.
i was house sitting for an imaginary couple living south of here. they had a sprawling home with many levels and rooms. there was a weird amount of detail to the dream. the man’s military uniform for the guard with one star on the sleeve, my being in the closet, thinking they’d left the baby and i’d forgotten her, all the odds and ends of their home.
finally the woman returned home and was telling me about her errands. we walked out onto the patio and i could see the storm coming (there really is one) and traffic. i hadn’t realised she was so close to town and i liked the house less immediately.
i was holding my cell phone to my ear when i realised i could be hit by lightning and so put it away. the clouds looked ominous, tall and dark with “holes” thru them that went on and on. we went to go inside.
the way into her second half of the house was thru a small window. this seemed normal enough, like they’d never bothered to have someone come out and widen it or install a door. but i couldn’t boost myself up to get thru, even with a tiny step ladder. i apologised, telling her about my (real) sore arms from working out.
i went around to the driveway and tried to come in the front, vividly noticing her number was 2929. but when i tried to get to the front door, i had to climb around and across this small ledge and i couldn’t. parts of the house that should have been metal were rubbery, like the downspouts. i was standing there feeling like a moron for not being able to navigate this little section of balcony/porch when i realised this would be the sort of stupid thing to happen in a dream. wait a minute. a dream? i’m dreaming!!!!!!
I’M LUCID!!!! holy fuck! its been a long time.
i think, ok, be calm, what did i prepare myself to do if i was lucid…i see a mirror nearby but i know i want to sit and pursue meditation. i’m thinking just ahead of myself at that point and i “know” when i go into lotus that it will flow easily and my feet will not slip. sure enough, i pull my legs into position as if they’re rubbery and they drop perfectly into place.
i scoot over to the mirror, which isn’t really a mirror. its this sawed slice of log propped up like a mirror but it has a shimmery watery surface to it and i can see myself in it. i look weird. sort of like me but not. younger and with darker eyes, my face slightly different. i don’t care about that so much and close my eyes to begin meditation. i raise my hands to do the prayer position and begin to think what my next step is and i realise i’d also wanted to try to see ppl i know. jacka1z! suddenly my eyes are open and i’m standing, looking down at puddles of rain on the patio.
i think, oh, no. i woke up. that was too short! i go into the house because i hear voices. j2 is there and so are a weird bunch of blurry other ppl. now i feel very dazed and realise i’m laying on the couch, like i just woke from a nap. i hear voices. they seem to think my predicament is funny. i say to j, is there anyone else here? and they all erupt in laughter. i am not amused. i say, no, really, are there other ppl here. then this one elfin looking guy who’d walked closer (and then seemed to be the only one with j) realises he’s shirtless and puts on his shirt, as if i’d been suggesting he was being improper when i was truly asking if these were ppl i was seeing. their faces and mouths had been funny-looking.
i keep trying to get up and to wake up but i fight and fight and can’t get my eyes to focus or my body to move right. i begin dragging myself across the floor, grabbing at things, trying to jog my memory. i ask if i’m at home, saying this isn’t home. i get to the phone, a porcelain unicorn phone with fake jewels glued all over it, and begin to dial but someone else is on the line and won’t let me call out.
at some point i realise that i’m not really awake yet. i start to get a panicky feeling, like i really NEED to wake up and want out of this place. i start screaming and screaming (and i mean deep down crazy style screams) to no avail. i begin to thrash myself about violently. i stop when i remember than in reality there is a candle burning close to where i’m napping and i could cause a fire. i don’t know why i don’t again play with/realise lucidity except that i Felt i had to get out. i start smashing things and causing as much chaos in a tiny space as i can. then i feel like i’m walking around my real couch at home, barely able to open my eyes enough to see the floor, the bookshelf. it happens again, that same walk. then i begin to try to scratch my eyes out and that does it. i wake up. it feels like i come back from FAR away and have to try as hard as i can. as soon as i can even brush the surface of consciousness i’m telling myself to GET MOVING, don’t lie there and slip back into sleep. my eyes open a little, then fly open, and i realise what’s happened and that i’d been dreaming.
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