Feb 1, 2009 I managed to take a great leap forward in my dreaming.
Let me begin with the end. I was on my way back home on foot. I was hiking a wide gravel trail which is usually a road we drive through the hilliest part north of town. Where the valley cuts its deepest, there was a big swampy pond and a tree hanging over.
Time got all confused and while I was coming through for the first time, I’d also been through before. I looked down into the water and saw all of Jimmy’s equipment and I was sad and upset with myself. Why did I bring so much stuff? And why did I leave all of Jimmy’s to get ruined?
I apparently had been carrying a massive load before and had dropped off his items to make it home and return for them. I was determined to get them all back, so I climbed up the log and out across the tree, but the trail just kept going and soon I was climbing out over a thick rope, then a thinner camping rope, then stuff held together with packing tape. When my whole weight was on eighth of an inch rope and random snarls of tape, I started to get worried. It was a long way down. Great, I thought, Now you worry about that. I ran out of all but a single thin line and I was dangling by arm strength I don’t have. I fought to get my arms caught good and then to swing my feet up to a flimsy styrofoam sort of platform which would only hold in dreaming, and I made it.
Subsequent attempts to fish out Jimmy’s gear revealed I had also dragged his kayak along with me. I was joined on the other side by a whole community of dream people who had come to help with my project and we were negotiating chest deep water and a giant concrete pylon, some of us on each side. That’s when there was a sudden movement in the water and the turtles attacked. A bunch of mothers and tiny babies. They were cute until there were so many of them, then I freaked out a little and begged one of the people to pull them off my bare feet (I was holding something up).
Later we ventured into a cove connected to the trail and found terrible beasts lived there in concrete hideaways with flip open doors and strange names over the lairs. There were deep claw marks at the entrance to each one- I’m not sure if made by the creature or the food of the creature, so we got out of there.
Now, the interesting bit. I’d been at work and getting a talking to by my supervisor. I had two underlings I was supposed to direct on some project and I managed to piss both of them off. They ran away to I didn’t know or care where and I kept at the work. I’d given them Simple Instructions and it wasn’t my fault they felt I should hold their hands through the whole process. There was no reason. My supervisor thought differently and told me I should say this and do that, but they aren’t things that come naturally to me, so when I tried, they felt and appeared as false as they were. What did they expect?? I tried to give the guy a little pep talk kind of speech, pat on the back and all, and it just fell flat. Maybe because in my mind I thought how ridiculous it is that you need me of all people to pet you and tell you you can do something simple, like stack blocks.
So everyone was mad at me, even though the job was getting done (by me, and I wasn’t bitching) and I was all down on myself for taking a job where I had to boss people to start with when I know I can’t stand it or do it well. I ended up back with my workers, who acted all hurt and I tried to mend fences, but now it was like they could take full advantage. It just wasn’t working at all.
Finishing up that day, I walked around a big barn to see a giant column of air in pink and pale orange. It looked like a nuclear power plant cooling tower, except that it reached from the sky to the ground. Oh no. I started yelling to everyone that there was a tornado and I ran like crazy.
As I rounded the corner of the barn, I saw that I had just gotten far enough that the main funnel wouldn’t hit me. And I suddenly thought, aren’t you supposed to run into one of those??? Oh, god. I got scared. Really deeply frightened, like all my organs got drained out of me. But I didn’t hesitate. I turned my feet as I argued with myself. My panicked mind insisted that I confuse reality with dreaming or Dreaming all the time. How did I know this wasn’t going to get me killed, really killed? But while I could hear the debate and feel the fear, I was- I can’t even say calmly because there was no calm to it. It was like there was a part of me that wasn’t even there, so totally removed that this meant nothing at all. And that part of me ran me near hysterical into the tornado. I got caught in the winds and sucked up about twenty feet, spinning and flyyyyyying and started laughing. And then I was suddenly out on that trail, trying to walk home.
I managed to do this without specifically setting my intent for it that night, because I was having another of those unbidden series of the most unpleasant, horrible, emotionally wrenching thoughts that usually come just before I go to sleep and I was determined to push them away with anything, even trivial garbage. But I did the tornado intent a couple of days ago and have done it in the past, so I guess it finally manifested.
I had one other dream to note from the previous day. I’d been in an old barn, hiding. Food was short and a herd of horses ran through, so three of us shot them. They were dead right away without blood or upset, but then a shadowy man came for us and we had to hide. There were other horses all around and I felt bad that I shot them, even though I was a hard bitten prairie woman and not really myself. Then we had to cut up the horses for their medicine. Jimmy needed the medicine.
Later in town, I ran into a medicine barker, the kind that used to travel town to town with wagons. I think he wanted the medicine. I mention him because his left eye was painted in black egyptian style, with a long curly thing from the design that led down into his cheek area. One of those people who seems to be just another person at first, but then seems to be something more, to be watched.