Free Range Human

The Day the Cows Went Mad

We went for a run a couple of days ago and the cattle across the road were up near the fence, watching us. As we walked down to our starting point, we approached their gate. We never go in there and I’m not sure why they picked us out that day, but they seemed to believe we were bringing them dinner. A couple of them crowded the gate and made plaintive sounds at us. Then we took off running in the opposite direction! One of the cattle standing at the gate saw us go and let out a loud cry of disbelief. You could hear his heart breaking in that sound. No!! We were running off without providing them with dinner!!

A couple of days later, the cows were again up near the fence. I think the farmer has them in a smaller area for hunting season. I was watching them out the picture window. A truck drove by. Now, their keeper drives a truck and feeds them out the back, but they don’t usually freak out over every vehicle, every truck that passes. That day, though, they seemed to sense that dinner was late. An SUV came up from the wrong direction and one of them jumped the gun and yelled DINNER!!! to all the other cattle. They came running, beating feet from all of the little swampy areas where they’d been noshing on leaves and found items until the good food came. Oh, the brutal news was crushing. The truck kept driving! The shame that little fellow must have faced among his cow family.

A few minutes later, the real truck arrived. This time when someone sounded the alarm, the others weren’t as quick to respond. But there was more to come. Their handler pulled up to the gate and put the truck in park, hopped out and opened the gate. He drove in and put the truck in park again. But today he was a bit off his game. He didn’t pull quite far enough inside and instead of chasing the dangling treats in the truck bed, one cow slipped around the corner and out the gate. The guy realised his mistake too late and made a half dash for the gate. Half was not enough. His indecision allowed another cow to spot the first ripping out mouthfulls of delicious forbidden grass in ecstasy over there (which we all know is completely different from the grass over here) and hotfoot it out to join in.

Now the guy was a bit frantic. He ran over and shut the gate. He jogged back and hopped in the cab of the truck. We expected him to pull forward, then chase the wayward beasts back inside, but he drove clear downhill and away to feed the others. I kept vigil, expecting some poor soul to come driving like hell around the sharp curves where the gate is located and meet a couple of thousand pounds of immobile beast. Thankfully, no one did. And the cows didn’t seem to realise they were free, FREE!!! to dash off into the fields and across country.

The handler drove back up the hill, parked far enough back this time (and with some dinner he’d held back for tempting), opened the gate and shooed the cows back inside. One was nonchalant about it all. The other one kicked up her heels and dashed around like mad before running like crazy to rejoin all the other cows.