We have started a consistent esoteric practice again, combining active practice with standing practice and sitting meditation. Immediately I began to see a change, particularly in my dreaming. And in my libido. Which is already overactive and now in complete overdrive.
I’ve had several sexual dreams. I dreamed I was at a convention where everyone took a pill that caused a high level of sexual arousal. Then they went to classes. WHAT?! I’m supposed to sit and read now or participate in some discussion? I got up and left and started looking for a place to handle my business because my partner wasn’t due to arrive for hours. I had an intense sensation in my G spot, which felt quite swollen and insistent (like a little voice inside me demanding SEX! SEX SEX!). Not that I was touching myself. I could feel things as I walked around, trying to find somewhere to go. Funny, yes and somewhat enjoyable, but mostly like an itch I couldn’t scratch–MADDENING.
The next night, I dreamed I was flying. It was effortless. I lived in a large house and I felt like flying, so I just went right up. I was comfortable enough with it that I was flying in a reclining position, my back to the ground, something I’d never done before and never considered doing.
I walked into the large, three story hallway and I felt like flying up to the high windows. When I got up there, I looked inside and each was like its own small room. At that point, I wondered about what I’d do if I suddenly was unable to fly or ran out of energy, but I immediately pushed the thought aside, gave it little credence.
I flew madly around the hall for a bit, flipping and flinging myself about, then decided to go out the front door and fly around in the yard. Except there was a little creature in the doorway. He was an ant, but not really. He stood about a foot tall, with several back legs and a thorax parallel to the ground and his abdomen and head straight up, like animation version ants.
He had a round little head and a human-like face. He also had crab pincer claws on his first legs. One of them had been crushed into the floor, the claw missing. I went to help him free his arm and he grabbed at my jog bra with his remaining claw, somehow catching onto the back of it. I freaked out a little, but didn’t want to hurt him.
I reached back as gently as I could and tried to free him. I got him and dropped him on the floor in front of me. Except I could still feel his claw. I reached back and freed him a second time and again could still feel something there. Then I started making a terrible moaning noise, very upset and uneasy in the dream and the noise and Jimmy both woke me. I was yelling and woke him, so he was trying to pull me out of the dream.
In a dream before this one, I was trying to date and ended up being really attracted to a grumpy maintenance man who almost immediately declared things could never work and stormed off, upset and sad.
Friends of his who’d arranged for us to meet kept consulting a sheet of paper where they’d made notes about us and our date and finally declared they’d made a mistake in their planning–something about the size of the room. They told me to go after him. I found him on some back stairs. The attraction between us was strong enough that I couldn’t even maintain eye contact with him for more than a second or two. In the dream, we went off together. Then…
I was in a very small mental institution with a few regular inmates and nice guards. I was with a maintenance man. He and I weren’t crazy. Not only were we not crazy, we were having a pretty great time. They brought me food I could eat, brought him beer. We worked as we pleased.
The rest of the time, we were getting to know one another, because we had just met a short time before we found ourselves locked away. Every day, we would watch a soap opera about Jesus. There were other people in the show, like lesser angels or something. I didn’t find it very interesting.
But I was also a disembodied observer, so I got to see that Jesus was playing games with the maintenance man. Kept sending him notes and little packages. One item was a note with a folded up baby bib that said the maintenance man had told everyone about the deal but the one who mattered, referring to me.
Everything in the place was grimy dirty. One day Jesus had the minions bring us all our food for a week in transparent plastic buckets. These were not dirty. They were crystal clear and clean. They looked like they were filled with water until we swirled them a little, then creamsicle colors in the bottom of the buckets began to swirl around. We stopped moving them and the colors settled and rested on the bottom. We were sure it was a trick and the inmates lined up around them with us to study them.