Notes From Practice
My meditation is progressing nicely. I’m long past the point where I used to writhe in pain and have to grit it out to make it through the time. I think combining the three practices is helping strengthen and support the sitting posture. I’m also overcoming the constant chatter in my head, experiencing longer breaks where there are few mental interruptions.
I lose track of time as we sit. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone told me we’d been there five hours some nights.
I had a frightening experience in my last sitting, when some of the very negative imaginative thoughts that plague me at bedtime came sneaking in to my peaceful time. Because that is potentially a powerful time and thoughts can manifest in reality, I immediately tried to stop the process, to undo any damage.
To get through the bad thoughts, I began to imagine that there is a more refined energy in the air, finer than the gross blobs and colorful gaseous vapors, this one is thin and grey/white, one that I can draw in and, even before it is circulated, it is more powerful. As soon as I started, my fingers began to throb and they kept this up the entire time of my focus.
I’m trying to remember that meditation is my protected time, a space where all of the pressures can be kept away. I don’t usually think of it that way. I’m not sure why. I plan to remind myself of that more often to help keep up my level of motivation.
The sexual energies that were overwhelming in the first week or so faded for the second week and have made a comeback this week, although in a more manageable way. They manifest only a few times per day, but are causing me to have some vivid sexual dreams. One even included orgasm, which normally never happens.
My sleep patterns have also changed. Some days I wake without needing the massive amounts of rest I usually do. Today was a good example. I awoke and could not get back to sleep, wanted to get up but I was afraid I’d wake J. I tried to stay in bed till the alarm rang, figuring it had to be soon.
Except it wasn’t. I got up to check something and found I’d only been in bed for four hours. I ended up staying up. A nice happening because even though we worked hard to get back on a better schedule, we’d slipped back into working later, not going to bed until 6am. We talked about how we’d ever get back on the right time at that point (up at 9am) and felt it would be hard to get ourselves completely back around the clock again. Two days later, there I am, up at about 9am.
Chalk it up to what you will, the good luck has continued since we’ve stayed with the practice. J’s car miraculously fixed itself after his computer issue turned into a simple fix instead of a replacement. I’m not saying they’re related, but it is a fortunate coincidence at least. I also had plenty of energy for working and chores this past week, even though I was laboring under the strain of food poisoning and a double shot of another recurring virus that alone usually kicks my ass.
In our next session, I will be increasing my weight in Holding Up Heaven to 7.5 total. Usually, I have to really force my hands into the position, but I was amazed at how quickly my forearms adapted and the pain stopped.
The new weight will require a new hand position, so while it will be heavier/tougher to hold, it should be less stress on parts of my arm; I expect it will be fairly simple and not killer.