Going through the whole baby process always seems like a good idea to people–at first. They never want to believe and cannot accurately imagine the effect expanding the family will have upon their freedom, finances and relationships. In this tough economy, I’m again reminded how fortunate we are to only have ourselves to look out for. I believe the decision to not have children, to remain childless, has been one of the best of my life.
In my own family, I’ve seen the hassle and heartache children have brought to many relatives. I think back on my own life, the many changes I’ve gone through, the men I’ve outgrown. I’m relieved to have no ties to them and definitely no little combinations of our DNA running around the house.
I think people start considering children for a variety of reasons, none of them isolated. They expectations of self, family and society all combine to pressure women, especially, to breed. We are made to feel less than, imperfect if we don’t reproduce. And god forbid you express to anyone that you don’t even feel the urge or need, let alone the want to have kids.
Babies are portrayed in the media currently as the new little purse-dogs of the celebrities; motherhood is portrayed as perfection and happiness. The more children you have, the more you’re looked upon favorably. Like having been bred you transform into something special. This is part of the whole need of the economy to have more consumers and the need of the media to play on fears or hopes, to exploit anyone they can get a grasp upon.
And there is that clock we are constantly told is ticking. This is outsiders using pressure to sell us on a lifestyle. Act now, time is running out.
Families have their own issues. Grandparents who want a plaything, the chance to relive their own reproductive years. Maybe fear of death adds to the mix or they also feel the urges that our bodies give us to continue the species. Those body urges are a tough thing to overcome.
I’ve found that nothing overcame those urges like work upon myself, on discovering my inner workings, exploring larger mysteries. I am happy in myself. I don’t feel there is a part of me missing. I don’t feel I can only find fulfillment through another person.
This has led me to the best relationship of my life. In this one, there are no expectations or demands. There is truth, honesty and a higher level of trust. I do not cling to him and depend on his love to happiness, any more than I would wish to cling to a child.
My partner and I spend all of our time together–working, at play, growing closer. We don’t need an interloper–not even one related and created by us both. We spend our time here growing our understanding, not the population.